I’d like to take you in my time machine back to a little over a year ago. Hold tight! Whoooosh!
Sept 2015 I had my first ever official portfolio review since leaving art school, and certainly the first I’ve had since shifting to photography. It was during the Manifesto Photo festival in Toulouse, and there were some big names doing the reviews, for free. I assumed it was nbd; hadn’t heard of any of the reviewers and had no idea how these things worked. Never been to one before, never been told by anyone how they roll, all I had to go on was a google search of ‘how to prepare for a portfolio review’ and a certain naivety. This is where it all gets really embarrassing. I mean really bad, but I’m recovered enough a year later to own it. Here goes:
I didn’t have a body of work. I didn’t have a project to speak of. I was taking random snapshots, working with film taking pictures of anything and everything on whatever camera (or pinhole) and whatever film. At least I was developing the film myself but I was not making darkroom prints. So I gathered together about 30 random images I thought the reviewers might like onto a usb and printed them 4 x 7 on the machine at my local supermarket, then put them in a cardboard folder. Cringe.
Off I went, blissfully ignorant into the lion’s den. My first appointment was with Jean Marc Lacabe, the director of Chateau d’Eau in Toulouse. While I waited outside with the others and their black portfolios and/or ipads I started to get that slightly sinking feeling. Everyone else seemed much more serious and experienced than me. My turn. I put my photographs out on the table and J-M was, well underwhelmed is an understatement. I explained I was a complete beginner, I shot film but couldn’t print silver prints – yet. He picked up some photos and tossed them down again with a bored sigh. My French was abandoning me, and I could feel myself going red with humiliation. Talk ground to a halt, so I gathered up my pictures and got the hell out. My daughter Milla had come with me and when I met her outside I was so demoralised that I told her there was no point in going to the next review, I wasn’t up to another arse-kicking. At which point she told me off. You’ve nothing to lose, she said. Anyway, she added, it’s better to be a loser than a spectator as she reminded me of Our Anthem.
Fistbumps all round and off I go to my next one with Frédérique Founès of Signatures. She was super helpful, telling me that yes, while these photographs I’d bought were terrible, she could see a thread in my work that was emotional and evocative. She advised me to make some decisions about how I want my photographs to look and to stop switching about so much, remove so many variables in my work and get clarity. She said she could see potential in my pinhole images too and to continue to explore that, but above all learn how to make darkroom prints. She introduced me to the manager of the open darkrooms in Toulouse. Her parting shot was she wanted to see me next year, even if it was with just one darkroom print, that would ‘blow her socks off’. She actually said that in English with a French accent. Imagine! Man was I glad I showed up. Thanks Milla.
So blowing her socks off became my focused goal for the next year and I set myself a plan of action. I booked and did some workshops, used the open access darkrooms and I set up my own darkroom in the basement, and practiced and practiced. I’ve spent hours researching technical things on the internet I needed to learn, read lots of books and went to a lot of exhibitions. I vacillated between knowing and not knowing how I want to turn my photography into a business, but that’s another long post for another day. I’ve swallowed my shyness and contacted many photographers for advice, and asked several local ones if they will meet me for a chat. Every single one has been kind and forthcoming with support, help and encouragement. I’ve tried different films, chemicals and papers until I settled on the combination I like. But I worked with less of a mishmash of cameras and pinholes, and most of all I stopped taking random pictures and started to work on specific projects, allocating a roll of film to them. Also I noticed the Mérens horses, water and photographing Milla were recurring themes I could build on as larger, ongoing projects and I do continue to work with those.
And then September came around again. Did I blow Frédérique’s socks off? …
{Part two next}
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